Summer is arriving, which means three things:
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The air conditioner becomes your best friend.
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Your car seat becomes a frying pan.
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Deodorant suddenly costs about the same as a small mortgage payment.
A new report ranked America's 80 largest cities from the most sweaty to the least sweaty. Researchers looked at everything from heat index and humidity to hydration demand, fluid loss, sunshine, and even something called "overnight recovery capacity."
Translation: They measured how likely you are to walk outside looking normal and come back looking like you just completed a marathon.
The results?
Florida absolutely dominated the rankings.
Here are America's Top 10 Sweatiest Cities:
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West Palm Beach, Florida
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Miami, Florida
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Fort Myers, Florida
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Honolulu, Hawaii
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Melbourne, Florida
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Tampa, Florida
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Orlando, Florida
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New Orleans, Louisiana
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Houston, Texas
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Jacksonville, Florida
Seven Florida cities made the Top 10.
At this point, Florida isn't a state. It's a giant outdoor sauna with theme parks.
Meanwhile, residents in West Palm Beach are reportedly sweating while reading this article. In fact, they may have sweated enough to short-circuit their phone.
As for Michigan?
We're not on the list, but let's be honest. Michigan has its own special kind of summer sweat. It's that magical combination of 90-degree heat, 90% humidity, and construction delays that turn your commute into a slow-cooked casserole.
Nothing says "Pure Michigan" quite like arriving at work looking like you swam there.
The least sweaty city in America was Colorado Springs, Colorado, followed by Denver, Spokane, Boise, and Albuquerque.
Apparently, people in Colorado can spend an afternoon outdoors and return home with the same amount of moisture they started with. Must be nice.
Meanwhile, Floridians are losing enough water every day to refill a kiddie pool.
The good news? If you're sweating this summer, you're not alone.
The bad news? Deodorant is still somehow $8 a stick.
Stay cool, stay hydrated, and remember: if your lawn chair leaves a sweat imprint when you stand up, summer has officially arrived.
