If you check out The Takeout, they define a "Boomer" candy as anything that has stood the test of time without undergoing too many dramatic makeovers. Basically, if your grandfather unwrapped it out of his coat pocket while waiting in line at VG’s Grocery or after an afternoon staring at the changing leaves by the cider mill, congratulations—you’re looking at certified vintage gold.

The internet recently tackled the definitive ranking of these generational time-capsule treats, and the lineup is a masterclass in dental hazard and pocket lint:

1. Werther's Original – The undisputed heavyweight champion. If you didn't receive one of these from a relative's candy dish while listening to the Tigers game on a transistor radio, did you even grow up in the Midwest?

2. Laffy Taffy – Providing jaw workouts and terrible dad jokes since day one.

3. Milk Duds – The ultimate cinematic test of whether your dental fillings are secure.

4. Cinnamon Jawbreakers – For when you want to question all your life choices by minute three.

5. Butterscotch – The mystical cousin to Werther's that always materialized out of nowhere.

6. Starburst – A bit of a low blow considering they arrived in 1959, but hey, if unperapping stuck-on wax paper builds character, we're all Boomers now.

7. Cinnamon Discs – The fiery pucks that grandparents kept locked away in glass candy dishes right next to the front door.

8. Smarties – Chalky, reliable, and completely indispensable for sorting by color.

9. Root Beer Barrels – Because nothing says Halloween like sucking on a miniature barrel that tastes suspiciously like old-school pop.

10. Strawberry Bon Bons – That legendary, mysterious foil wrapper hiding a gooey strawberry center that you never quite figured out how they got inside.

(Just missing the cut: peppermints, candy corn, and the eternal classroom-party staple, Tootsie Rolls).

The Pure Michigan Spin on Halloween Sugar

Let’s be honest: if you're handing out candy on a chilly October night in Mid-Michigan while the wind whips off the lake and the thermostat drops below 40, standard rules don't apply. Up here, your Halloween candy stash has to endure a very specific set of regional hurdles.

Here is how our local treats stack up against the classics:

• The Cider Mill Survival Stash: While Smarties and Root Beer Barrels are classic, nothing competes with a pocket full of fresh apple cider donuts or caramel corn you picked up after getting lost in a corn maze in Frankenmuth. By comparison, a pocket-warmed Butterscotch disc is basically a tactical survival ration.

• The Dental Insurance Test: Milk Duds might test your fillings, but biting into a frozen-solid, locally made caramel apple on a brisk 35-degree Halloween night in Saginaw is a whole different extreme sport. You don't just lose a filling; you risk an entire architectural collapse of your jaw.

• The Grandparent Pocket Factor: Let's face it—every single one of these top ten candies has survived decades precisely because they are indestructible. You can run them through the washer, drop them in the gravel at a tailgate, or leave them in the glove box of a pickup truck all summer long, and they will still taste vaguely like they did in 1974.